All in the Family

It's been a busy couple of days for me here, there were a few family functions I had to go to. Well, I went willingly (enough), but still...

Yesterday my Mom & Dad & I went to my Aunt Helen's for lunch with some other family members. She's not really my aunt, but she's my Dad's aunt. I think. She might be his great-aunt. I don't really know. I get confused about his side of the family. There's too many people to remember. But anyway, that was fun. Nothing too special. Just a lot of talking, my parents bragging about me (because I'm something to brag about :-D), and telling everyone how school is going.

Today was my brother's graduation for boot camp. He was stationed in Fort Knox, the one with the big gold depository, and that's about an hour & a half away. It took us almost three hours to get there. We were about half an hour out when my parents realized we forgot the letter they sent us with a map of the base. They thought it was the invitation & that it was required to get in, so we had to turn around. Turns out we didn't need the letter and we almost missed the entire ceremony because of it. Meh. I don't really approve of my brother's lifestyle choice anyway. Haha, fancy someone like me saying something like that! Yeah, I'm not a big fan of the military, especially since, in my opinion, he only joined the Army because he likes to shoot things.

I really just don't like guns. Period. I found an old pistol on my Dad's night stand the other day and I freaked out. My Mom said it didn't work & that it wasn't even loaded, so she started to wave it around like an idiot. Turns out it was loaded, and & only one barrel doesn't work. OMG. I could have been shot by my own mother. Yeah, I wasn't too happy about that.

Evils of Universal Health Care?

As many (ie all four) of you may or may not know, there's a big debate raging on here in the States about Health Care Reform. I try to stay informed on all major national & world news, but I must admit that I don't know as much about this issue as I should, or at least as much as I would like. My dad was watching Fox News & tried to pull me into a discussion about evil, socialist Obama's plot to kill all the senior citizens. I had to stop myself a few times from just snapping & calling him out as the xenophobic, pusillanimous, right-wing lemming that he is. And I say that in the most endearing way possible.

Anyway, his whole argument was that a government funded health care program would way the benefits of providing care to the elderly against the costs, & then drop their coverage & convince them to "die with dignity" if the costs are too high. Another one of his favorite arguments is that the proposed health care system is identical to the Canadian publically-funded health care system, which in his/Fox News' mind is one of the worst in the world. I don't know much about the Canadian health care system, but I'm pretty sure it's not that bad.

So I decided to do some research into the issue on my onw. I've tried to watch the news lately, but it's just too partisan for my tastes. And the only thing they're showing is a few people getting upset at the town hall meetings. So I went to my research tool of choice: Wikipedia. I just want a basic understanding, not a Masters degree in American Health Care, & Wikipedia's good for that. Anyway, from what I can tell, Obama is trying to do the opposite of what my dad think's he's doing. Instead of trying to "kill of the elderly", the reform is trying to prevent health insurance agencies from dropping people's coverage due to high costs or sudden & severe illness.

I also looked a little into the Canadian health care system & it doesn't seem like that bad of a plan to me. But then again, Wikipedia can only take me so far. For anyone reading this, I know it's not the most interesting thing I can post about, but if you've read this far & you know more about this than me, could you please explain it? Whether you know more about the proposed US health care reform, or you're from a country with universal health care, I'd just love it if you could share your knowledge. And I promise, I'll try to be a lot less boring next time :-D

Are you ok?

I was up til 3am last night reading other blogs for "inspiration". Well, it was just one blog, but it was just so good. The things he writes about are just so honest, he doesn't hold back. And the trouble & mischief he gets into...I almost wish I were as spontaneous & exciting as him. But I'm not, & I'm sure I can be just as interesting as him. Or at least try.

Anyway, usually if I stay up that late I wouldn't be up for another couple of hours but my parents decided to go god knows where & didn't let the dog out. So when he had to go out we was pacing up & down the hall in front of my room & whining. He actually opened my door though. I didn't think dogs could open doors. Though, to be honest, my door is shit. I can lock it, so the handle won't turn, but if you just push on it hard enough it'll open. So really there's no point in locking the door. Luckily my parents aren't clever enough to have worked that out yet, so I still lock it anyway. But I digress. This truly is the "Ramblings of a College Boy", eh?

So anyway, I let the dog out & I really didn't want to, but I didn't want to clean up after him either. That's when my parents came back from whatever they were doing. My dad asked if I was ok & clearly I wasn't because I was still tired & obviously looked like shit (I always look like shit when I wake up. My hair is all over the place, my eyes get all Asian on me & won't open all the way, I kind of slouch...a lot). I was like no, fuck off dad. Well, I didn't say that last part, but I did just kind of sulk off into the house & back into my room.

But anyway, I hate when people ask if you're doing ok or if you're feeling ok. If you just looked at me a little harder you could find out for yourself & then I wouldn't have to talk to you. If I look like shit I'm probably not doing ok. Bastard.

It's still way too early for me go be awake right now. I need a few more hours of sleep, but god knows I won't be able to now. I'll still try though.

Introduction

Let me just say that I don't really know what I'm doing. At all. I sort of feel like I'm diving into the deep end of the world of blogging. I mean, I do have a Twitter & Tumblr account, but I don't think those really compare. So I apologize beforehand if this turns out to be a complete failure or if it becomes hard to read at times.

Anyway, I guess I started this as a way to let all these thoughts that are racing around in my head out. All those thoughts I have all the time but won't let out. All these thoughts I'm too afraid to let people know I have. I know this isn't healthy, keeping all this in. I suppose this is really just a way for me to come out to the world, at least, for now, in an anonymous sense.

I am gay. There. I've said it. It's out there. And while it doesn't totally feel like a weight has been lifted off my chest, the weight is somewhat slightly reduced, because now I can talk about it to someone. I've know for a while now that I liked boys, probably around the age of 11 or 12. I've never told anyone this, but I'm sure some people have their suspicions. I discovered pornography around 13 & would spend hours on the computer looking at naked men. I wasn't very good at covering my tracks, though, & inevitably my parents found out. Their first reaction was to send me to a therapist. I was raised in a Christian home & being good Christians my parents saw homosexuality as a sin. Let me just say that sending me to therapy was probably the last thing I needed at that point. I was already confused about all these feelings I was having, I didn't need a therapist telling me those feelings were wrong & that I should stop having them if I didn't want to wind up in Hell. I think that might have been the single most traumatic experience in the development of the acceptance of who & what I am.

But more on that later. I don't want this blog to only be about me being gay, because I don't think my homosexuality defines me. While it is a part of who I am, it's not all of who I am. There's more to me than that, & I want this blog to be about what makes me myself. Mostly. I also want it to be about my journey towards mustering up the courage to come out to my friends & family. That might sound a bit confused, but that's exactly what I am: confused. This is about me finding myself, my purpose in life & finally being happy.